I had no words in me when I woke up yesterday morning. I don’t know any more than the rest of you about politics, activism, about whether or not any of it was worth all this effort, nor can I tell you what the next four years will look like. By the afternoon I found myself able to write down just a few words, based on what I do know. And this moment feels like a massive societal setback. So I ran it through the four phases of The Setback Cycle because this is how my brain works and it’s how I process things now.

I hesitated to share it, but after a few folks encouraged me to do so, here it is, on the off chance any of it helps, even just a little.

With that, I present to you:

The four phases of The Setback Cycle: Post Election 2024

Establish: Welp, I think we established our setback between the hours of 9pm ET on November 5th and 5:30 am November 6th. Likely well before then but that's when many people's fears were solidified.

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Embrace: This is where most of us are right now. Do not jump into action. I see so many posts that say “we will continue to fight!” and we will. But not right now. Number one - do not suppress any sadness or anger. Resist the urge to push down any uncomfortable emotions, otherwise they will get stuck in there, escaping just at the most inopportune moment.

Right now we need to understand why this election impacted us so personally. Are we afraid for our safety? For our children? For our neighbors? For our ability to have bodily autonomy? For our ability to get married/stay married to the person we love? For the impact on our climate? All of the above? All valid. Focus on one. Be sad. Be scared. Sit with the discomfort and fear. It sucks. Do not succumb to apathy, but take a day, a week, a month to acknowledge the suckiness.

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Explore: We are not here yet. Don’t try to go here. But when you feel your energy start to return, consider what you can do. First, take care of yourself. Move your body, take a walk, exercise if that’s your thing. Might I suggest a rage-releasing workout like boxing, perhaps? Visit a local business. Be kind to a stranger. Buy your coworker a coffee. Tip your barista. Start to approach your day with a lens to what small things you can do to bring yourself and others joy.

Then begin to consider the bigger picture questions. Are you in a position to advocate for others? To volunteer or donate to organizations protecting people’s civil liberties? With the risk of certain systems falling apart, a lot may begin to fall on communities and individuals. So consider what you can do. What type of small activism can you take part in? You may not feel your interests are represented by the federal government, but there is change you can make on a local level.

Get yourself to a PTA, school board or community board meeting. Listen to the folks around you. What are they worried about? How can you help them work towards solutions? Little by little, slowly but surely, we may begin to feel the ripple effects of our impact down the line. Remember that progress is a long game.

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Emerge: This one might seem far away. From the vantage point of a six year old, I had to grapple with her words when she woke up the morning of November 6th and said, “but she was going to be our first woman president.” That stung. Almost as much as having to talk to my mom, who has been through it so many times she can’t fucking believe she’s here again. But here’s what my daughter said later on that morning, which offered a glimmer of hope in these dark times.

“Mommy, is the presidential election always a contest between a boy and a girl? Maybe one day there will be two girls and then we will DEFINITELY get our first woman president.”

There is still hope. Rest. Embrace. Regroup.

We will Emerge once again.

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