Amy’s Antidote: Why It's Important To Find Your Third Space


Before we start - a quick announcement:

I’m launching a group coaching program in January!

I have loved doing one on one coaching with so many of you this fall, and I’m making this update in an effort to build more affordability and accountability into the process. I’ll host two groups this winter, ranging from 2-6 participants, over the course of 12 sessions. We’ll work through exercises that help us reflect on how our setbacks have shaped us (even if we’re not going through one right now) as we clarify our vision for the next chapter of our careers. Interested in learning more? Fill out this interest form and I’ll be in touch.

Now, onto today’s newsletter:


Golden leaves are drifting down onto my laptop as I type, scattering across the keyboard. It’s one of those perfect 68-degree November days that feels like a fleeting gift (despite concerns over global warming.) It’s the kind of day that frantically pulls you outside to soak in every warm, sunny moment before the trees stand bare and the puffy coats come out.

There’s a quiet beauty, a deep calm to it all. It feels like the setting of some idyllic writer's retreat in upstate New York, yet here I am, right in the heart of NYC. I’m sitting at a picnic table across from a friend I often work beside, each of us moving fluidly between stretches of quiet productivity, logging into remote meetings and taking breaks for quick conversation and banter. This has become our “third place” —a shared corner of the city where life slows just a little.

A third place is a real thing. It’s a social setting that’s not one’s home (our first space) or their workplace (our second space). It’s where people go to relax, socialize, and connect with others in a comfortable, informal way. Think of local cafes, fitness studios, parks, libraries, community centers, even a cozy corner in a bookstore.


P.S. If you’re new here, I’m Amy, a corporate speaker, marketing consultant, journalist and USA TODAY bestselling author of The Setback Cycle. (Want to hire me to speak at your organization? Shoot me a note here.)


Feeling that post-election apathy after? Dejected because everyone feels more divided than ever? Want to retreat into your home? Turn to a third space instead.

This is exactly where we go to cultivate that deeper sense of community, belonging and social connection we all crave but don’t get nearly enough of. This is where spontaneous interactions happen and friendships form over shared interests. It's where folks can craft a resurgence of long forgotten hobbies.

But in recent years, there’s been a decline in third places. Plenty of think pieces have been written about this phenomenon, blaming everything from expanding suburban sprawls to the rise of social media replacing in-person connection. One article points out how Americans used to spend about 6.5 hours a week with friends, and as of 2019 that stat had dropped by 37%, to only four hours a week. I can’t imagine what the post-pandemic decline must be.

The Atlantic laments “the forgotten joy of simply hanging out,” blaming a productivity-focused culture that prevents us from prioritizing leisure time that doesn’t generate income, along with suburban real estate favoring larger houses versus communal living and socializing in shared spaces.

If third spaces to cease to exist, our epidemic of loneliness will only be exacerbated. But this is actually something we can actually create as individuals. It just may require a bit more effort and energy.

I asked Chat GPT to offer ideas as to how people can find third spaces if they don’t have them built into their community, and it spit out hundreds of ideas. Here are a handful of decent, actionable suggestions:

  1. Explore Local Cafes and Bookstores: Get out of your normal workspace and settle into a local coffee shop with a book or laptop. If you do this regularly, you'll notice some familiar faces. Strike up a conversation if it feels appropriate.
  2. Visit Parks and Public Gardens: Parks, gardens, and even scenic trails can become go-to spots for unwinding or meeting friends. (Hello to me sitting at the park right now!)
  3. Join Community Centers or Co-working Spaces: Even if they aren’t formal "third spaces," community centers, libraries, and some co-working spaces often have areas designed for socializing, reading, or working alongside others.
  4. Take A Class With Friends And Turn It Into A Hobby: Sure, you can do one of those paint & sips or cooking classes, but consider finding something that’s less of a one-time activity. My sister and her friends took a Mahjong class and now they host weekly games at each other’s homes. I get that this takes place at a home and not a separate space but I’ll accept it since it is repurposing one’s living space as a social environment, not to do work or home-related things. Another friend of mine hosts Sunday dinners and invites everyone in her neighborhood. Sometimes one person shows up, sometimes 12 show up, but her community takes comfort in knowing it’s always there, every Sunday.

Finding or creating a third space might take a bit of trial and error, but discovering the right one can really enrich your social life and deepen your connections with the folks around you.

A car alarm just started going off and a train rumbled by, reminding me that my idyllic setting with all the leaves falling is still nestled within an urban environment. But I just read the opening of this newsletter out loud to my friend to make sure it isn’t too flowery and over the top. (I was afraid the “leaves falling” bit was overkill. She confirms it is not.) Where else could I have such a spontaneous conversation and connection that offers the kind of validation I needed, anywhere but here, in our shared third place?

Do you have a third place in your community? If not, how might you be able to create one?

In the meantime, here’s what I’m:

This piece about how society can move forward. The answer is in the title, “Focus on the things that matter.”

More women are getting MBAs than ever before. My lingering question is, will that translate to more women taking on business leadership positions after they earn those degrees?

Was The Trump Election a Setback for Women? Even Women Don’t Agree. There are so many phrases I love from this article, even though it was tough to read at times:

“An uncomfortable but steady undercurrent of American society: Women do not necessarily agree on what counts as progress or a setback.”

“In examples that start from the nation’s earliest days — through suffragist movements, racial integration and the legalization of abortion — some of the biggest opponents of women’s rights have been women.”

“Ms. Steinem offered practical advice for women distraught by what they see as a reversal for women’s rights with the election of Mr. Trump: focus on equality in the workplace, she said, and treat daughters the same as sons.”

“The lesson is less in the national and world atmosphere and more in the home and employment atmosphere in which we have some control,” she said. “We shouldn’t give up the power we have.”

In all honesty, it was tough to write a newsletter focused on a dose of inbox optimism after the past two weeks. But I am proud that I somehow did it, and I want to conclude with some actually optimistic news about the record number of new women governors who were elected to office earlier this month. Remember that apathy is the enemy of hope. Don’t give into it. There are still reasons to be hopeful and I will always be here to help you find them.

Amy's Antidote

Amy is a USA Today Bestselling Author of The Setback Cycle, sought after leadership and career coach, a TEDx Speaker, award-winning marketer and freelance journalist whose work has appeared in ForbesWomen, Harvard Business Review, Fast Company and more

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